Let's Talk About Girls
by Demonsblade
Summary: [Dialogue one shot] Sirius is bored. He wants to talk to Remus about girls and kissing. But the conversation brings to light something very interesting indeed. Sirius has been a naughty boy... SBRL slash.


**Let's Talk About Girls**

I've never really done dialogue-only pieces, so I decided to try my hand at one. Hope you like it.

**Warning: **This contains SLASH (boy/boy situations).

**Disclaimer: **All HP characters © J.K. Rowling.

* * *

"Remus?" 

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Well, let's see. I'm in my favorite reading chair. I have a book in my hand. I'm staring fixedly at said book. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Okay, okay. No need to get snarky."

"I'm not _snarky_. That's not even a word."

"So?"

"So what?"

"I'm bored."

"And just what do want me to do about it?"

"Talk to me."

"Go talk to Prongs."

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Lily."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Go talk to Peter."

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Snivellus."

"Sirius!"

"What?"

"Be nice."

"Okay. Wormtail's off pigging out in the kitchens."

"Oh."

"So let's talk."

"About what?"

"I don't know. Let's talk about girls."

"Why?"

"Because we've never really talked about girls."

"Sure we have. Just last night we were—"

"No. I mean, you and I have never talked about girls. Just us. You know, without Prongs and Wormtail."

"What does it matter if Prongs and Wormtail are around?"

"I don't know. It just does. It's not the same as just one-on-one time."

"Why do you want one-on-one time, anyway?"

"Because I've known you since forever but there are still so many things I don't know about you. You keep so many things locked up."

"Wow. That was deep, Padfoot."

"Shut up. I'm trying to be serious here. And don't you even _think_ of saying it."

"I wasn't going to. I was going to say 'okay.' Let's talk about girls."

"How many girls have you kissed?"

"Uh…"

"Come on, Moony. How many?"

"You go first."

"Okay. Two."

"Really? Who?"

"Rebecca Abbot and Jill Young."

"Jill Young was three years above us!"

"So?"

"Why do I even bother?"

"Your turn. How many people have you kissed?"

"Er…"

"Come on."

"Three girls."

"And how many boys?"

"Two—I mean…er…boys? Very funny, Sirius."

"You're blushing."

"I am not!"

"So…you've kissed two boys?"

"I never said that!"

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah, you definitely did."

"Can you just drop it? It's not funny."

"I never said it was. I was just curious."

"…"

"…"

"Do you—I mean…would you…you know…be—I don't know. Never mind."

"Tell me."

"Would you hate me if I did?"

"Did what?"

"You know…kiss boys."

"No."

"Really?"

"Really, Moony."

"Oh. Thanks."

"So it's true then?"

"Yeah…yeah. It's true."

"So that makes five. You've kissed more people than me!"

"What?"

"I've only kissed three people."

"You said two."

"No, I said I've kissed two _girls_."

"Wait—you mean you've kissed a boy?"

"Yeah."

"Who?"

"You."

"WHAT?"

"Well, okay. Maybe it doesn't really count. I kissed you when you were sleeping."

"You—you did _what_?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"You kissed me when I was sleeping?"

"Well, you just looked…I don't know…kissable."

"…"

"Moony?"

"I feel like I've been raped."

"I didn't rape you!"

"It's the same concept. You didn't ask me before kissing me. Or tell me about it afterwards."

"I'm telling you now."

"And how long ago did this happen?"

"Third year maybe…and fourth…and a couple of times last year."

"You've done this _four times_?"

"Well, four or five…or ten."

"I can't believe this!"

"I'm sorry! I just didn't know how you'd take it."

"Badly. I don't appreciate being molested in my sleep."

"But you kissed me back."

"I was SLEEPING!"

"So? You said my name. You _moaned_ it."

"…"

"Well, you _did_."

"…"

"Remus?"

"…"

"Moony?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why? Moony, look at me. Why are you smiling like that? Remus—ompf…mmm…oh…mmmmmmm…"

"Mmm…"

"Oh, that felt good. Kiss that spot again."

"Here?"

"Ah! Yeah…right there…oooooo…mmmmm…"

"Grrr…"

"That was s—ah!—sexy. What—why are you laughing?"

"I don't know. I can't help it."

"Try."

"…Can't stop…Oh! Unless you do that."

"You know something?"

"What?"

"You're wearing too many clothes."

"Really? I should say the same to you. And as a prefect, I have the authority to punish you for that."

"Mmm…please do."

"Why did we wait so long to do this?"

"I have no idea, but I don't want to wait any longer."

"Agreed."

"You're talking too much."

"Right. Less talk, more snog."

"Mmm…"

"…"

"…"

* * *

Writing dialogue-only is harder than you'd think... 


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